November 30, 2009

do you notice it everytime you rise?

for what am i doing this?
is there any profit for me?
the are, but not necessary.

i wanted to, just to be close to you.
but you'll never know.
things will remain the same.
i have your picture up in my head, but will things ever change?
will you feel the same as i do?
i don't think so.

yes, i loved you.
once hated you in the middle.
love you once again.
i cant just forget you.
you're a drug, you're addictive.

darkness darkness everywhere, and i am feeling all alone.
do you see what you represent to me?
you shine like a chandelier.
yes, you are pretty down to your bones.

may i say, you're the song that no one sings?
i am just like a bottled frizzy water.
once shaken up, the adrenaline pumps up.
but when it is left behind, i remains still.

every moment you rise, every word you speak,
you seem like you're moving in slow motion.
you never notice what you did to me.
who are you?
how do you do it, to make me feel like i do?

- he asks.

November 25, 2009


days are restless lately.
for me.

tired, i must say.

as i open up my eyes, till the second i close my eyes.
things i have to do,
things i have to accomplish,
things i have to settle,
things i have to make.

yes, i guess that's the word.
not heretic, otherwise.

but i thank God,
as i don't feel empty anymore.

as in the past days i have felt so empty,
nothing goes on in my life, as to prevail what i am.
now i am restless, though taking it in a positive way.

- he says.

November 24, 2009

how i miss spending our noons together.

right here, right now.
i hope before the night is through,
i hope i can touch you and hit the spot.

is this coincidence or a sign?
is there anything i missed?
you told me to fight for the rights, instead of the wrongs.
but why we didn't change a thing?

things are going your way, and i just struggled through.
how the morning light shines on your face.
how i missed the smell of your hair.

as we spent the noon holding hands.
we were walking all night long, as we stopped by a convenient store.
how you said you love me.
you've got everything going through for you,
how i tried gaining my strength to be there just for you.

is there anything i missed?
underneath the sheets, we cuddled.
right here, the best days of our lives.
is this coincidence or a sign?

you told me to find the right thing for us.
yet the right thing for us is to be separated apart.

- he says.

November 23, 2009

is this coincidence or a sign?

is there anything i missed?
someone said,
"i am hurting, but i stayed."

yes, it's a cliche,
but i am feeling the same way too.

as i am falling deeply for you, day by day.
even though my conscious says that i am over you.
how your voice hit the spot here in my mind.
you've got everything going your way.
i'll try to just cherish the things what i am not.

trying my best to get a place in you.
right here.
the best days of my life.
is this coincidence or a sign?
is there anything i could do?
do you feel the same way too?

i know, we seldom spend the time together.
just a few nights at the park.
right here, right now i am missing you.
even as we talk to each other almost everyday.

i don't mean to bother,
but may i ask?
what is it that is going on in your mind?
do you feel the same way as i do?

- he wonders.

seek the truth in the liar's eyes.

i am going to destroy this part of me that i hated,
that i see in you.

it is always mine, anyway.
it is just something you cant just take away.

- he says.

November 22, 2009

am i..


- he asks.

tell me we both matters.

i just don't know why,
i am hurting.

yet again,
i stayed.

- he says.


how did we manage,
to obtain things that we did not want?

- he wonders.

November 21, 2009


inside it all feels the same.
no matter how much you change,
it'll always be the same.
you came to point giving it all,
just to shame.

you can cry yourself to sleep,
it makes you feel better.
you can cry yourself to sleep.
it makes you feel stronger.
you never thought that life ain't easy.

life is never easy.

- he says.

hold on.

for bringing me closer yo yesterday.
yesterday's a million miles away.

hold on,
i don't wish to let you go away.

- he says.

do you know how it feels to be the bad man?

i hate you.
and you hate me too.
thank you.

so now you're sick of yourself?
well, know this.
i am sick of you too.

my intentions aren't that cold,
as my conscious seems to be.

i wish it was all that easy for us.

- he says.

a comedy for someone that is 'killed'.

she laughs.
laugh all the time.
as she is questioned.
what is the reason?

she answers.

how he gained his trust in this.
how hopes, plans, faith,
broken, shattered into pieces.
and the little pieces is rotten.

how cruel can she be?
how soft can he take?

as dreams, were all fake.

- he says.


inside it all feels the same.

because no matter how much you change,
the person inside you will remains the same.

somehow it is a good thing,
a good phenomena.

but still,
it is bad at the same time.

ughh life.

- he says.

such an unfinished metal job.

November 20, 2009


don't encourage yourself to look up at the white, instead just stay with the black.

- he reads.

November 19, 2009

yes, you are a fool.

for sticking around.
when you walk in the room, it' a mess.
it used to be the most prettiest place in the world.
hah hah.
he breathes.
you came to a conclusion and say,
"welcome to my room, as it is sad and filthy."

no more falling down a worm hole.

  - he says.

- he says.

a reason.

making something that makes people wonder is so much fucking better,
than to keep on wondering what it is.

- he says.

November 18, 2009

yes, thank you.

i know he know she know they know we know,
that we all wants to win every single time.

as i explained the truth,
you have to win.

as i am telling the truth,
you have to win.

as i am blaming,
you have to win.

as i am blamed,
of course you will win.

yes, i am here to take all the blame.
well, winning is not really an option for me.
who would give a fuck about what i have to say?

everyone wants to win, right?

- he says.

so how is this?

we have our own reasons,
that everybody else wont understand.

yet the best part is,
reasons itself cant understand us.

- he says.

where were they when the fun went out?

as we walked this road together,
to happiness.

you're feeling down,
i let you shed your tears on my shoulder.
you're sad, i sat there with you.
you're happy, i laugh with you.
you're mellow, i tried cheering you.

i am in needing,
where were you?
when everything is turning around the other way for me,
where were you?

what do you call it?

you get the best of me and i get the least of you.
yes, thank you.

- he says.


this is fucked up, this is fucked up.
you are fucked up, you are fucked up.
i am fucked up, i am fucked up.
they're all fucked up, they're all fucked up.

it ain't a shame to say fuck.

- he says.


don't ask me.
ask the mail man.

can you see where i am running to?
can you see why i am running?

it's all fucked up.
i don't want to blame you, like i did before.
but you caused the separation.

i am tired of my own mindless games.
and yours too.
you did drew the first blood, but where is it?
we just can't do anything about it.
because we think the same thing at the same time.

- he says.

why are you emotionally distressed?

because everything is fucked up.

- he says.

the glove never fit quite right.

time is burning you down.
as you shake yourself like a bottled fizzy water.
when you open the cap, you blow.

you kept falling apart, but you never complain.
we admit, you are strong.
deep inside, you're happy.
deep inside, you're sad.

time is burning you up.
the invitation says, it is now or never.

- he says.

it get's you down.

you travel so far,
what have you found?
there is no chance to analyze.
yes the white pills began to understand you.
you think.
felt like iron began to build up inside your veins.
chemicals flow in your blood.
you just plan for thing to happen.

you're playing a part, a role that will make you get the fame.
there is no chance to analyze.

sweet symphony plays in your mind.
you cut your wrist, to be more alive.
enjoy the pain.
get up get up stand up.

- he says.

freaked me out your wear a mask called counterfeit.

wake up and smell the concrete, strange to see you changed drastically.
could be identity crisis, yeah but who can fight this?

reality bites but that's what life is.
artificial minds seeking out the new trends, get in where you fit in.

are you sick of yourself?
well i am sick of you too.

alone in your misery, filed as a counterfeit.
all your desperation caused separation.

pain for the fakers, fame they can't maintain.

with the vibe alive you could lie and try to be so fly.
yeah, that is you.

- he says.

November 17, 2009

no tittle.

"Did art need an audience in order to be art? Or would it still be art just the same, if it was done only for one's own satisfaction, with no one else ever viewing it." 

- Ginsberg and Carr to Burroughs.

 - he reads.

explosions in the sky.

sunny day, in a raining season.

- he says.

happy feet?

happy as what it seems.
it's all a lie.

he begans to ponder,
how it feels to be in her shoes.
he feels for her.
he think he understands her feelings.
at least he tried too.

she's hurting, yet she smiles.
she is strong, he believes.

she ain't tough, but he's determined that she's strong enough.

in the morning, she had breakfast, of two eggs.
but that wouldn't last as the feeling that she needs.
he understands, but he know he's not good enough.
better off be as friends.
like bananas and corduroy pants.

be cool, lady.
he knows that you are.

- he says.


tell me.
what am i supposed to feel?
what am i supposed to say?
how should i act?
how should i respond?
how should i be just to please every single of you?

take me home?
yes, but who would do that for me?

i am drifted, in and out.
how my conscious are sleeping.
the sunset is in our eyes.
how it is hard to seek the truth in the liar's eyes.

- he says.

walk with me.

if i could find a cure.
i'll quit myself.
nothing seems to be real now.
especially when i am with you.
once again, i end up feeling this.
don't be suprised.
yes, we all know.
we will never be satisfied with what we got.
couldn't see what's in front, instead we tend to look what is impossible.

- he says.


been thinking a lot on this 13 hour drive.
yes, these white pills are kind.
as i looked back and smiled.
i am calling out your name.
pack up your things.
and don't worry,
i'll drive real slow.
we will spend sometime together.
before we go.

- he says.

this place we call World.

help me, i am drowning.

- he says.

they drew first blood.

society has got no place for it.
hatred, loathery lurks everywhere.
colors matters.
see yourself in the mirror.
punch it.
put a line between yourself with them.
whatever you want, take it, grab it.
we never know.
they're dressed up as a drag queen,
and they drew first blood.

- he says.

what do you go home to?

a place that you feel safe.
where you can sleep tight.
a place you can rest your mind.
a place you can feel that you belong.


it ain't the same for all.

- he says.

of polaroid and stills.

how i wish i knew you better,
than to just know how you look.

- he says.

wish you were here, she said.

what would it really mean?
what is she asking for?
it is pure resistance at it's core.

- he says.

how can i relate?

before this i felt like my existence doesn't mean anything.
then again.
i still existed.
i know i am something.

- he says.

yes, money brings me happines.


a mysterious art.
we'll just never understand.

- he says.

November 16, 2009

new face.

i swear i'd know your face in the crowd.
but sorry, i just wouldn't hear you if you whisper.

even if you mean that much to me.

- he says.

the storm is lighting up, but it wont just die.

turn away from me.
don't look into my eyes.
look away when i speak to you.
ignore my calls.
lie to me.
hate me.
loathe me.

i rather be alone.
i am prone to.
thank you.

- he says.

a match that'll light up the fire.

she sings about having someone's heart.
she says she's happy.
but still she cries.

she says that she's hurting, but she stayed.
just tell her that she's the one that has his heart.

she'll give what he needs.
tell her please.

- he says.

and i'm knee deep in my own fears.

it's a few minutes pass 7am.
and i started to think what i've thrown away.
could i push rewind?
the credits traverse signifying the end.
but i missed the best part.
could we please go back to start?
forgive my indecision.

- he says.

November 15, 2009


how can i be invincible?
everything i wanted to see, seems blurry.
tried to focus, but my eyes deceived me.

this young girl,
not the first one to fall apart.
yet the first to complain.
compromises everything.

the world is a drought when out of love.
i'm making a choice,
to be out of touch.

- he says.

welcome to the jungle, kid.

so take a look around.
ask around, who gets the blame?

- he says.

eat the zombies!

i adore you, but you never need me.

you keep your distance,
i cant deny you.
as i got the feeling,
cant satisfy you.

you keep your wishes,
i keep my feelings.
there goes another one that keeps me breathing.

the things you told me,
brought me closer to yesterday.
yesterday is a million miles away.

- he says.


am i drowning your fears?
if everything was up to me,
i'd be gone since the first sight.

the things that is keeping you here,
aren't keeping me here.

are you drowning your fears?
class of deceptions.
perception perception.

strange how it will turn out to be the rescue of you.
and you'll be sorry.
isn't that is what they all say?

yes, the storm is blurring up,
but it wont just die.

your picture still remains,
but i wonder, are you still the same?

- he wonders.


as life passes by,
have you ever wondered?

have you been unfaithful?
have you been ungraceful?

yes, these white pills are kind.
this vacation is useless.

where is your significant other?
will they care if you don't know what to say?

an invitation says,
it is now or never.

will you shake this off,
and pretend it's all okay?

the best part has yet to come.
have you ever wondered?

is there anyone out there feels just as the same way as you do?

- he wonders.

i envy with all the people around me.

November 14, 2009

prone to be alone.

he ran into the forest,
and he sings.
he ran to the beach,
and he cried.
alone, alone and mellow he hates.
surroundings are havoc, but he's still empty.
he's tired, he's bored of that.

he wonders,
where should he go?
the forest or the beach?

tired, bored.
too many things that they can notice,
as if it's a burden that he's living in this world.
everyone watched he waste away.

- he says.

yes, he is fucked up, thank you.

founded a reason to show you a side of me you didn't know.

rst in peace, dear.

saw your face in strange places.
knew strangers that looked like you.
how i wish it was you.

i miss you.

- he says.

and she said, "i hate you."

if only she could know,
if she could see what's written inside him.
he stayed here all the time.
waiting for her to come back.

he felt numb, as she brushes up his face.
he lied in bed, waking every morning to she that she's away.
fans cooling up the room, morning light shines the room.
he stayed there all the time.

she just left.
leaving a note saying that she doesn't want to be around.
yet he laughed.
remembering all the memories.
gained his trust, love, decreasing loathery.

made, did everything he could to please her.
never really work, as the glove never fit quite right.
found out that she's the pretender.
fucking up with some other fishes.
yet he get,

"i hate you."

and she left.

- he says.

November 13, 2009


you're an exception to the rules,
a bonafide rarity.

- he says.

it is just unfair.

am i still alive inside?
never really had enough 'space' to breathe.

- he says.


how kind are these white pills?

hey kid.
what a shame.
the two week's par is over.
time to move on, then, like your sick little father.
but what i have done is find you a noose.
i have a report here that says that last week the distress call from a fishing boat,
wasn't heard,
because it's radio waveband was blocked by a rock 'n' roll radio station.
men were dying, and they couldn't be saved because of this rock 'n' roll pornography.
i think sir, we have our smoking gun.
very good, indeed.
but the question is, did the fishermen die in the end?
no sir.
that's a pity.
but i think i may have also discovered a way of actually getting on the boat,
to do some more 'intimate' research.
we have their testicles in our hands.

- he says.

yet the angels fly so low.

but somehow i felt like the angels have forgotten about me.

and i used to think i was so smart.

i didn't know.

and will never know.

- he says.

Speak your mind and you'll see What it is like to free.

that's what she said.
but i have a question.

are we free enough to do so?

without the intention of messing up the situation.
still, i find the answer, as it says NO.
we'll never be free.
no way in hell we'll be free.
free of ANYTHING in this world.
we are controlled by some other source that brings the world alive.

- he speaks his opinion.

it is actually something, really.

i drew a really thin line.
yes, it's nothing that i planned.

if i traded it all,
if i gave it all away fore something,
just for one thing.
if i knew all about this one thing, if only i sorted it out,
wouldn't that be something?

- he wonders.

The Pretender.

"is someone getting the best of you?" he asks, in front of the mirror.
he wakes up to see her women not on the bed, beside him.
he bathed, in sorrow, had his breakfast, a toast, and two eggs.
he knows, that the breakfast just wouldn't last, like how the feelings that he need.

he put on his shoes, went off to work.
daily routine, as it is.
stuck in traffic, employee-employer conflict.
yes, there was.
but didn't really amuse him.

three pieces of donut and coffee.
he knew that his life had passed him by.
she knew, she said so.
she passed by with a warning, only he didn't notice.

"when will you learn?" she ask.

those white pills are kind, as he listens to his blood flows in his vein, rushes to the brain.
his sources say that the road is clear, signs pointed to the way.

he never felt that the glove fits, as he let his life passed.
he knew, that she is, with whoever, whenever, wherever.
he knows, felt cheated.
loathery prevails.
the rain just washed her out of his hair, out of his life.

out of his life, as he is staying in the clouds, towering over her head.
he said he could go home now.
he wants to go home.

she's cheap, a bitch.
the pretender, to be exact.

- he says.

happy feet.

how i miss this.

- he says.

i did took her to the music store.

- he says.

November 12, 2009


dear, this is for you.
i couldn't really tell you how i feel.
i just cant.

as i act to be normal, it's all just abnormal.
you know yourself i am a hypocrite.
yes, i admit.
i am.

but do know, this one thing.
which i really want you to know.
it's a question really, but you'll know what i mean.

you know, i know, others know.
love is a pain in the ass, but we're all addicted to the feeling of hoping it could last.

and yeah, here goes.
i really wonder how the answer is turning out to be.

would you be my significant other?

- he wonders.

i will.

he whispers.

i'm walking alone this street,
thinking about what you've said.

i've never felt like this before,
i never really do.

with a cigarette in my hand,
i am thinking about you.

you never know how much i miss you.
you never know how much i will love you.

- he says.

you have stolen my heart.

blistered fingers,
lack of sleep,
beer stained clothes,
no drink tickets,
flat tires,
no sound check,
no monitors,
broken strings,
deaf sound men,
smelly van,
miles of boring highway,
dead 9 volt batteries,
lead singer's disease,
crashing o floors,
2am load-outs,
fugly groupies,

-he reads.


we always wanted freedom.
freedom here, freedom there.
wish we could just buy freedom at the convenient store.
but hell, NO.
what is freedom?
"heyy, wish that there could be freedom" he says.
again, i ask you.
what is freedom?
do you have any guts, to answer my question?
if there's anything that you call freedom, think.
what would this world come out to be.
no way in hell, it'll be freedom.

-he says.

November 11, 2009

i think im falling for you.

do you care if i don't know what to say?
when you sleep tonight, will you think of me?
the storm is lighting up, but it wont die.
sometimes, scars are tracks.
every time that you're gone, i wish for you to come back.
i think i'm doing well, for the things you said.
i believe in luck, i think i do.
i believe for sure, whenever that i see you.

- he says.

sweetest day.

they both share one thing in common,

they both have moles.

- he says.


how do you pronounce that?

- he asks.

that i have to believe in.

scared if i was too late to fix it.

hello, phase, relationship, hello, goodbye.

us, againts the world.

you : royal pain in the ass.
me : royal pain in the ass.

you : corrupted.
me : corrupted.

us : superhuman.

- he says.

Lucky 13.

a token of appreciation.
i appreciate you more.
you're an irony.
at least for me.
thank you.

- he says.

November 10, 2009

you, Echo.

ain't tough, but strong enough.

of titanium and screws.

- he says.

here's my kiss to be let astray.

i wish i could destroy all the passers by,
i'd seek for the truth in the liar's eyes.
inject ourselves with a slight loathery,
and slowly, inside we'll die.

the rotten apple in a bowl of fresh fruit.

it defines itself negatively.
only to be described by a catalog of what it is not.

does not entertain, educate, illustrate or criticize.
it doesn't inform or amuse either.

produces either sublime nor spiritual experiences.

avoids being put to use, as it refuses to provide what other existing practices or areas can deliver.

may mimic other forms of art, may raise expectations, however, it will not fulfill any of it.

it compromises what it touches.

whenever it is recognized as a positive entity, it transform itself and becomes unrecognizable again

at it's core, it is pure resistance.

eccentrically veiled forms of employment.

this is HE.

- he explains.

critical values.

- he observed.

artistic wonder mint.

how would this child grow up in this complex world?
- he wonders.

view of life from the oven.

you'll be sorry.
follow your eyes,
if you can see the way.

adopt a child in you,
and a shoe full of rice.

you just cant hide from the fools.
seek the truth in the liars eyes.

go take a walk,
and see the World's beauty.

use a lamp to bake a cake,
you know that life ain't easy.
spread the powder on the plate.
in lines, straight forward.

the glory days ended.
without a passionate lover of living a life.


this ain't a love song,
this ain't a poem.
it's just babble for a friend.

heyy friend i miss you
heyy friend i need you
heyy friend i want you
heyy friend i love you

where are you?
really wish you could be here,
to see how i grow in this world,
somewhere i don't really belong.

rest in peace.

White residue.

stuck out my palm.
the snow and stuck in a needle.

hits, lightly.

thought it was rain for a while.
thought the game had been called.
it's just a bunch of sticky lines,
waiting to be scribbled across of the plastic paper.
- you know what it is.

ain't no plastic paper.
foil it is, to be burned with warmth.
and to be punched in with needless passion of life.

Iqeat says.

an empty mind is a good thing sometimes.
we take granted on what we need to live.

inhale, exhale.

do nothing but breathe.

Let It Go.

sometimes, i feel all alone.
in this big old world.
you never know what you might come across tomorrow.
because you just wont know.

i believe, things happens for a reason.
people change, so that you can learn to let go.
things go wrong, so that you'd appreciate it.
- when they were right.

you believed in lies, so that you could learn to trust no one.
accept yourself.
you can learn to let it go.

story book.

words of wisdom for a perversion of life,

it is pretty,
but it's unfair.

Save Me Before I Drown.

it's getting closer to the end.
i looked back and smile.
conquered every single bump in my road, made it all worth while.

maybe sorrow plays a role,
when you feel unkind.
then disaster takes it's toll and baby, made it all worth while.

save me, save me.
save me please, before i drown.

Lina likes to eat people.

 how we were meant to meet each other that time, but we just couldn't. it's a loss that i couldn't actually meet you. Germany is somewhere i should be. instead i'm stuck here with 2 steel plates and 7 screws. thank God i am still alive, breathing air, feeling the joy and pains that the World gives.

here i met someone that looks like you. not that much different, but different though. she is special in her own ways, and you are too. again, irony. i couldn't imagine that i could meet 'you' here, just close to me. nice knowing you, Lina.
p/s : she eats people, she says.

what do you think?

love is boring, love is a pain in the ass.

but ain't we all addicted to feeling of hoping it could last?

she killed him here.

as we walk in between these buildings, somehow the feeling of nostalgia appears. he was left. left alone, lonely he says. crushed dreams, glasses shattered in the space, the atmosphere. feeling all the perils for earth to be in 3D.