you are.

what i see.

what i smell.

what i listen to.

what i taste.

what i thought of.

what i remember.

what i speak.

what i feel.

what i touch.

what i laugh about.

what i cried about.

what i am happy for.

what i am lucky to have.

what i am gifted for.

what i am blessed with.

what i am happy with.

what i am dreaming for.

what i am hoping for.

whatever it is that says

 you are my everything,

that is what you are.

- he says.

numbers and figures.

fifteen he starts.

having the dreams of her,

the one he always wanted.

four consecutive years passed,

he came across to her.

and without further due,

said hello.

seventeen she were then,

and he were nineteen.

three tries after three big figures,

as at twenty two he obliged to her.

and the spark started since the four slash seven.

and counting.

numbers and figures.

- he says

monetize the design.

i am sulking in this moment,

as i am trying to pretend.

it's not that i dont care.

it's not that i am not aware of this.

i am ready to go back,

i am going to close my eyes,

and try to hide.

when this dream collides,

you,

i hope that you,

and only you,

would be the lights that'll guide me home.

as i fall back inside my head,

save me,

before i drown.

when this dream collides,

i hope you're going to be there for me,

and keep on wasting my time with happiness.

because that is what you are.

you are, my happiness.

- he says.

labels.

i hope i have magic in my fingertips.

i wish every time i get close to you,

i could make you feel weak,

especially when i look at you with these deep brown eyes.

i wish i could be your strength,

i wish i could be your hope,

i wish i could be your faith,

i wish i could be your everything.

while awaken,

i kept on dreaming of every single move you make.

all i need is your faith.

i can change,

i can change.

- he says.

dream.

you've got magic in your touch.

now it is poured all upon my skin.

i feel the coolness and the warmth you provide.

i am weak every single time,

every time you'd stare at me with those beautiful eyes.

all i see is your face,

and now all i need is your touch.

wake me up with your voice,

wake me up with your kiss.

your smile,

is dancing all the time in my mind.

you are a perfect paint of grand.

i need you,

to see me looking at you,

the way i speak to you,

the way you're speaking to me.

all i need is your presence,

so i'll be wide awake,

in my dream,

which you are one.

- he says.

all i want is to find an easier way.

i'll sing it one last time,

for myself,

not you.

then i really have to go.

you know,

you have been the only thing that is right,

in all i have done.

and now i can barely look at you.

but every single time i do,

i am just hoping,

deeply hoping,

that i could make it anywhere,

away from this depressing spot.

i will light up,

i will light up,

as if i have a choice.

even if i cannot hear my voice,

i know,

i am always by my side.

i can hardly speak,

but i totally understand.

but why wouldn't you raise your voice to say?

have heart please,

i am bound to be afraid and easily get bruised.

- he says.

like paper cuts they hurt.

- he says.

no, i am not ol-korect.

infatuated with all the ignorance,

which we tend to ignore.

with the time and preparation,

i could be a tyrant and ensure the downfall.

and here i stand to feel something inside.

as i am rotting away into a state of mind.

open up your eyes.

prove the pint of point that is sworn to me.

- he says.

here we go again.

captivated with the sadistic thoughts,

sadistic intentions,

just holding on,

to the faith i had.

i find a sense in malpractising,

the common ways.

and now i am wallowing in such dirty claret.

for when i am through,

i shall wear your pride on my lips.

an injection of sodium thiopental is applied.

i now shall purge.

by these word,

i am the one.

- he says.

clearly i don't understand,

and so did you.

- he says.

Saturday, the 19th.

woke up this morning,

to find this one note.

a note that says i am nothing special.

well at least that's what i get out of it.

says something in there,

that really breaks through my heart.

and i began to ponder,

am i the only one?

browsing these old unfaded pictures,

but yes,

all the memories were faded away.

kept on browsing,

trying to remember all the faces and the names,

of whom i have been with,

of whom i have broken their heart,

of whom i was heartbroken for.

and of who i am back then.

figures,

the numbers,

the steps taken,

the thoughts i had,

were nothing similar i had today.

every single one have their on story to tell,

either there's me in it,

surely i wouldn't know.

especially the good or bad.

here i am today,

again,

being all depressed,

and i wonder,

am i the only one?

really?

i am the only one?

i make so many mistakes,

i make so many starts,

i make so many great things,

i make so many bad things,

and what do i have?

an alter ego.

it is typical for one to not remember,

the great or good i must say,

the other one has done to them,

yet they only remember the bad turns of it.

and is it the true way,

of one is just happy because another one genuinely make then so?

and the other one is just happy because,

they can make the other one feel so,

and because of the achievement?

and so no because they were not done well in return,

just by themselves?

figures.

now these walls are the only ones facing the me.

the world,

it is beautiful,

indeed it is.

with all the fake voice tones,

fake smiles,

fake laughs,

the essence of the word care.

now tell me, 

what is wrong with me?

i understand your effort,

but do you understand mine?

save now,

preview.

- he says.

L is for the way you look at me,

O is for the only one I see,

V is very, very extraordinary,

E is even more than anyone that you can adore.

Love is all that I can give to you,

Love is more than just a game for two.

Two in love can make it.

Take my heart and please don't break it,

Love was made for me and you.

(trumpet instrumental)

L is for the way you look at me,

O is for the only one I see,

V is very, very extraordinary,

E is even more than anyone that you can adore.

Love is all that I can give to you,

Love is more than just a game for two.

Two in love can make it.

Take my heart and please don't break it,

Love was made for me and you.

- he reads.

justify.

my world is just too big.

but without you,

it is surely as hollow and empty.

if i were you,

i would come into my world,

and make loud beautiful sounds,

so that i can find the other me.

i mean,

you.

the other half,

the other better part of me,

which is you.

- he says.

follow.

it may,

may just seems to be just a moment for you.

but i surely want you to know,

ever since i am with you,

it has changed,

to a better time lapse.

- he says.

the dwindling conversation.

you are,

beautiful.

- he says.

have you ever wonder?

at the start,

do you still remember?

it was smaller than a point,

but yet the best part is,

it started from a point.

grew bigger and larger,

as everything was just like a thought.

grows every single day.

seems so real,

as it is,

it is real to me.

that and i looked at you,

i am glad that it all happened,

and my dreams came true.

- he says.

i love ice cream.

dear,

i miss you.

i missed you more than words,

and pictures can describe.

but then again,

don't give up.

i'll try.

- he says.

be the butterflies i feel in my belly please?

i know,

you might be busy with all the things,

that you have planned.

but remember,

that was also the day you kissed me.

i don't know what i am saying,

i just miss you.

i miss your presence.

- he says.

i would write your story, on you.

i miss,

you sitting next to me.

i miss,

you falling asleep next to me.

i miss, 

lying there next to you.

i miss,

looking at the ceiling or the red curtain,

better yet your face,

while listening to you breathing.

i miss you,

i miss you,

i miss you.

- he says.

okay now is the time.

now i need to tell the person in my head,

who is keeping on telling me what to do,

in a way of those things i am capable of,

to shut the fuck up.

- he says.

lagniappe.

you, your skin.

and i want to,

slowly strum my fingers slowly,

gently,

across your skin.

like i was playing the slowest love song on Earth.

which only you and me could hear.

- he says.

there are plenty of fishes in the sea, they say.

i don't give a fuck on how many fishes are there.

and i don't want a fish.

i want you.

- he says.

pardon me for saying this.

there are days,

where i just want to walk up to you,

and scream in your face.

"nobody gets you, now let's get the fuck away from this place. lets be in my world."

- he says.

insert a video.

i spend most of my nights inside,

and my days outside.

why?

i am making myself happy,

at least i try to.

and the best part is,

while i am doing these things,

i always look for reasons to make you smile.

- he says.

do you think you've had enough?

this place would be paradise.

only then what is missing is,

you.

- he says.

shutter, stutter.

no matter where you go,

bring love with you.

because i do,

and it is always for you.

- he says.

lamp post.

in my sick crazy artistic space of my mind,

i like to think that out there,

somewhere on the globe,

the are two people exactly like you and me, 

which are made by totally different choice or what-so-ever.

never mind that.

all i know is,

we're still together.

and that is what matters the most to me.

- he says.

pay off with relevant cost.

right now,

it may not seem like an adventure.

but if you step on a rock and made you paused,

you glance back,

and then you'll see.

- he says.

the phone rings.

if only you know how i felt,

you'd be calling an ambulance.

but fear not,

i still have strength.

i am going to be strong for you.

i am going to face more deceptions while we're still on this path.

grab my hand,

never let go please.

i am walking with you,

don't leave me behind.

look at me,

let me smell your hair,

and smile for me.

that is yet the beautiful situation i want to be in right now.

- he says.

settings.

there are always a billion ways to bleed.

you,

are yet by far my favorite.

i never stopped loving you.

because, 

i believe while i am still breathing,

i should and i could.

- he says.

dashboard confessionals.

wish you were here.

wish i was there.

wish it was different from the pain.

wish it was much happier for you.

wish wishes come true.

wish i could see you.

- he says.

stats.

the song i kept playing on repeat is,

nothing but a photograph i see with my ears,

and the sound i listen with my heart.

but the thought i had in my brain.

- he says.

i will always remember you.

i will always cherish you.

always.

- he says.

picture.

you don't have any idea how i want for us to be close to each other.

me watching you,

you watching me back.

and me watching you back,

and smile.

- he says.

your hand in mine, that would be nice.

you dreamed of me one night,

and now i am dreaming of you back.

- he says.

listen to the music, get up and dance.

it is not about what you do.

it is not about who you are.

it is not about who you are right now.

it is not about who you could be.

it is not about what could go wrong.

it is about what could go right for you.

it is not about listening,

it is about understanding.

- he says.

effort.

when you feel like you're the last one to leave the conversation,

hold on.

when your friends are all against you,

hold on.

when the weather beats you down,

hold on.

when the phone doesn't ring at all,

hold on.

when you feel like you're all alone in the crowd,
hold on.

just hold on.

look everywhere.

perhaps you will eventually find me.

- he says.

post option.

it is practically a book,

but instead you don't have to turn the pages,

except for with only a click,

it is true.

it might be here forever,

as long as this,

never disappear.

this,

i might say.

it is full of love,

it is full of fear.

and it is all written by me,

and it is all for you to chew.

- he says.

this is my skin.

i would rather say that it is thick,

as it covers me from the rain.

- he says.

explosions in the sky.

there is always someone who is looking up to the sky.

whether it is night or day,

still, 

there is someone who is doing that.

breathe in,

watch the beautiful sky,

breathe out.

they're alone now,

today,

yesterday,

every time,

in one way.

it portrays different shades of color.

every now and then you look up,

and remember the colors,

the direction the sky moves.

and then only you gave a thought,

who the hell are you.

- he says.

i am just hoping that he is no longer there.

so please just leave.

please.

- he says.

jump break.

and i am sorry i haven't written for quite a while.

my absence doesn't mean a thing,

i am only away for some meditation,

searching for some answers.

still yet,

didn't found one.

only got reasons.

i know you are,

but what am i?

publish post.

save now.

preview.

i am upset, 

of how this light shows me the way back home.

i am disappointed,

really.

the phone rings,

heard a soft voice,

i know that's the only peace.

and now the draft is saved.

- he says.

distant from me.

i have got a bad case,

of being over here.

but the cure is only there.

where?

wherever you are.

- he says.

made myself for you.

from the leftovers.

- he says.